not sure it worked

but i hope it did.

'nother spinal tap.

'nother needle; big bulking needle, in my back.

this time they went low. very low and pulled my drawls down past my knees.

lying there on a gurney, a whole bevy of VA "residents," looking on.

nobody told me i'd be bare ass.

but i was. had to laugh, typical VA.

pants down. here comes the needle.

directed towards tailbone. the "residents," seemed distracted.

this asian, she wanted waffles.

and this indian, he wanted pancakes.

IHOP was the conversation as my heart rate shot up and they figured it was time to up the anesthetic.

apparently they hit scar tissue.

needle got jammed.

catheter wouldn't come out.

wouldn't squirt it's goo into my spinal column.

the college students asked the real doctor for assistance.

-- he was manning the x-ray.

and he came near, told me there'd be a little pressure and literally used all his body weight to jam this thick 'ole needle past my tailbone into the gap between my vertebra.

couldn't help but cringe.

yelp.

you just can't hold that kinda pain in.

least i can't.

nope.

but i didn't cry.

laughed.

don't think i have tears.

laugh.

can't find 'em.

laugh.

and they kept telling me i was doing a "great job."

laugh.

hell they know about doing a "great job?"

laugh.

honest to God, this kinda treatment should be reserved for prisoners.

these punk-ass bloods and crips and la emme.

they're tough, right?

they won't cry.

anyways, after a good twenty-minutes, i'm wheeled out.

numb.

used.

my Dad brought me there.

and then took me back.

two, three days, they say. then we find out if it worked.

sure hope it does.

this is no fun.

THURSDAY, spinal injections

@ the Veterans Administration in Long Beach, CA.

and after nearly two years of constant back pain caused by several bulging disks and what the half-assed VA's docs have deemed "degenerative disk disease," i've got a chance @ peace.

despite the relative success i've seen lately, my personal life has really taken a turn for the worst.

circling the bowl,

feeling like a malingerer,

another Veteran sob story.

it's amazing how pain works.

how it can dictate one's life.

so goddamn fragile, we humans are.

(big surprise, right?)

but THURSDAY...THURSDAY, is the day.

spinal injections.

steroids injected directly into the spinal column.

cord breached, nerves subdued.

twitching.

and then, happy again.

suspect it's gonna hurt.

hurt bad.

but i'll smile and grin and bear it like a champ...hopefully.

and i'll wince and clench my jaw and feel the relief as the needle pierces the spinal cord...hopefully.

and if you're the religious-type, say a prayer for old pissed off christoff.

because i'd do the same for you...