relations w/Vets

they're complicated. 

because you're different.

just a little, but still different. like it or not.

and perhaps victims of violence and tragedy are the same way. 

you can't be exposed to such gore and insanity without losing a piece. 

the veneer chipped, exposed.

doesn't mean all Combat Vets are.

no. 

not at all. most.

but they've opened a door to a world that civilized American's desperately try to lock. 

or at least mock. 

attempt to desensitize themselves through graphic depictions of violence/War in TV/movies. 

and it works, mostly.

because i can remember the first time i saw a dead man. 

not a nice embalmed old timer with a red carnation pinned upon his breast, but a young man.

like me, only born on the wrong side. probably unemployed. probably patriotic. and unlucky as hell.

had a hole in his head, shot in the medulla oblongata from behind. right eyeball missing. 

big bloody hole - the exist wound from a sniper's 7.62.

remember telling myself, "this looks just like the movies." 

"just like the movies..."

so it's been nearly six years, but he's still around. shows his face occasionally. can't shake him yet.

so i read freud's, "on the interpretation of dreams, " to figure things out. understand. banish the fucker. 

and a certain part resonated with me - just a small passage regarding the rods and cones of the human eye. 

and to paraphrase mr. freud: anything the eye sees; that is registered by the rods/cones, is forever ingrained within that person's brain housing group.

meaning, you see it, it's with you forever. 

hidden away in some fleshly wrinkle. crumpled and desciated - waiting for rain.

and it explains those mysterious people/places/objects in your dreams. some way or the other, that image was seen by you. 

really.

although your conscious mind didn't recognize it, the subconscious sure as hell did. 

logged and classified. 

it's hard to explain this because it's...well...it's cliche. 

everything turned into a joke and acknowledged with a smirk.

but some understand, or at least try to.

and that's what counts.

and when you find one, you should probably keep 'em.

as for the rest, well, try not to stare as they circle the bowl...